Real Magic
by BonesDon'tMelt
Summary: Sokka hates magic. Magic and those life-cheating people who use it. Okay, maybe not hate, but definitely not like. Especially when he's sucked into some backwards magic world where none of his science makes sense!
1. The Portal

AN: My first crossover fic!

I own neither of these shows, or the respective characters. If I did, this would be an episode, not a fanfiction.

* * *

Okay, maybe attacking Aang was a bad idea.

That was Sokka's first thought as he lay, confused and dizzy, on the ground that felt suspiciously unlike the grass he had ambushed Aang on.

He just couldn't help it. Not once since the two had met had Sokka been able to land a blow on Aang, sneak attack or not (granted it was only a year ago that they had first met, but Sokka was the best warrior in his tribe! He had his pride, and it was being totally and completely crushed by the irritatingly combined forces of Katara, Aang, and newly-appointed-Firelord Zuko. And Toph. Always Toph).

So maybe Katara's teasing had gotten to him a little bit. He wanted to land a hit, and what better time than when the goofy kid was meditating?

The glowing tattoos should have warned him away, but instead he figured it would be easier if Aang was in the Spirit World.

But it wasn't even like he would really injure the kid, he just wanted to get close enough to mark him with some ink so he would have proof that he _could_ have hit him! And he almost did too! But right before he achieved him moment of glory, a ridiculously powerful gust of wind pushed him off-course... right into a circle of weirdness that levitated a foot off the ground.

Now, Sokka didn't believe in circles of weirdness. Especially ones that levitated. But the sensation of being smashed and pulled and torn apart and held together and... and... well, it was very realistic.

He thought it was probably the avatar spirit, maybe tossing him around in the wind until he was dizzy, using waterbending to mess with his blood flow, and dropping him on a rock platform just to make landing more painful.

But that's what happens to people who attack the avatar. Even fake attacking, just for bragging rights.

Stupid Avatar Spirit apparently couldn't tell the difference.

"Um, I'm sorry," a delicate voice said from somewhere above him, "do you need help?"

Sokka rolled over to better look at this person. She was obviously not someone he knew; she wasn't a guy, and none of the girls who talked to him said sorry even when they should, much less without provocation.

It was definitely a girl. But that was the only thing remotely normal about her. She wore clothes that seemed to be entirely made of wool, a white-pink fluffy sort of outfit with a fair bit of skin showing. Her hair was a startling shade of pink, and probably the weirdest thing was that something brownish and curvy seemed to be growing out of it.

Oh, yes, horns. Because _that_ made sense. And if that wasn't super weird, the sky seemed suddenly covered with stars (even though it had _clearly_ been mid-day when he was thrown to the ground) and it seemed there was no forest around anymore. He was lying on a large slab of marble- the floor, he deduced. He must have a concussion from Aang's surprize attack.

"Oh great, I'm hallucinating," Sokka said dully, closing his eyes. Eventually, Aang would wake up from his trance and get Katara to heal him enough that he wasn't seeing stars and girls in weird clothes.

Aries, for that was the name of the girl whom Sokka had just declared a hallucination, shifted awkwardly, not quite knowing what to do. The boy was confused, apparently, but she wasn't a hallucination, and now he had just closed his eyes and lay still as if to wait for the world to magically return to his version of normal. Should she get him up? Maybe tell Leo that someone had just dropped into the spirit world by way of magic portal... _again_?

"I'm sorry," the voice came again, and Sokka resisted the urge to crack open his eyes and look. No way was he about to encourage his obviously unstable mind and its stint of madness. "Do you think that maybe you should find out why you're here instead of lying there?"

Sokka thought on that. If he was right, and he was (because _science_ ), then he was here because he wasn't here because he had some sort of head injury due to airbending slice. And, of course, if he just explained patiently to his brain that this was all fake then it would disappear.

"Oh, I know why I'm here." Sokka stated, crossing his arms and making no move to stand despite his obviously uncomfortable position on the rock floor. Aries blinked in confusion and waited for him to continue; It wasn't often that people were sent to the Celestial spirit world, but never before had anyone shown up knowing why they were sent. "Obviously, it's because I'm not here."

"...I-I'm sorry, I don't understand..." Aries stuttered. Sokka let loose a put-upon sigh.

"Of course you don't. You see, I was hit in the head when I got knocked on the ground. This caused a hallucination that'll probably last until Katara gets here and heals me. Therefore, everything I see right now, the stars, the floor, you... it's all fake."

"I'm real... I'm sorry."

"You shouldn't apologize for believing you're real. All hallucinations think so. This one time, when Katara was ten, she got really sick and started hallucinating. She was convinced that she had a best friend named Fredrika, I mean, what a weird name. Probably from the Fire Nation; they all have weird names. Anyway, she wore shorts and bunny-shark ears, and Fredrika thought she was real too. Had a backstory and fake memories and everything."

Aries was real. She was sure of it. She had fought and laughed and cried just like any other living thing, and Lucy made sure she knew she wasn't just some immortal apparition. But... Sokka was just so confident, so sure. Maybe... was it possible that she _was_ just a hallucination?

"B-but...I _am_ real," Aries insisted as strongly as she could, starting to feel panicked. No no, she existed. All of the celestial spirits did... Right?

" _Really,_ " Sokka drawled, finally opening his eyes. He made quite a show of rolling them as he pushed himself into a standing position. "Then what are these?" He asked, tapping one of her horns.

"U-um-"

"Horns. Have you ever seen a normal person with horns?" He continued, not allowing Aries to answer his question as he gave her a stare that was somehow both condescending and pitying. "Well, other than the Firelord of course," he continued flippantly, "Zuko's should be coming in any day now."

-Back in the palace, in the middle of an important meeting, Zuko twitched. He had just been insulted. He could feel it.-

"And no one real wears clothes like that," Sokka continued, gesturing to Aries' fluffy getup.

Unbeknownst to Sokka, he was very effectively giving Aries an existential crisis.

What if he was right? It was all so logical. Who had horns outside the celestial world?

* * *

Loke's tear alarm was going off.

Nearby, some poor girl was about to cry.

He had developed this sixth sense during his time outside of the celestial world to better pick up girls. The best time to get them, after all, was when some idiot (especially if the idiot was their current boyfriend) brought them to tears. The best way to get a girl to fall in love with you is to comfort them in their most vulnerable moments.

Once he returned to the spirit world Loke had given up this tactic, but his ability was still perfectly fine.

And the most likely candidate for the girl setting his alarm off was Aries.

Aries had been through enough already. Anyone caught making her cry would have to pay the consequences.

* * *

AN: Aw, poor Sokka. He's so convinced that he's right... and he has no clue what's about to happen to him.


	2. Lies and Half-Truths!

Recap: Sokka's in the Celestial Spirit world giving Aries a crisis. Loke caught wind of it.

* * *

"I-I'm sorry," Aries muttered weakly, trying in vain to dam Sokka's cutting words. She was shaking like a leaf, clutching her hands together as if they were the last things keeping her connected to the world. Sokka didn't seem to notice, scientific evaluation of how she and all of her friends were fake spilling continuously out of his mouth. If he was right, and he was certain he was, then she would disappear any moment now. Then he would just have to logic the sky back to normal.

" _Normal_ people don't-AAH!" Sokka's tirade was cut off by his own scream as he was suddenly sent spiralling through the air.

A suit-clad, angry-looking Zodiac stood in his place.

"Are you okay Aries?" He asked, eyes flicking towards the girl before returning his glare to the boy who had made her sad.

"I'm sorry... I'm fine," she sniffed, eyes fixed on the floor.

"Ow..." Sokka whined, pulling himself into a sitting position from where he had smashed into the ground. No hallucination he had ever experienced before had been able to actually injure him... and he'd had _plenty_ between bouts of midnight-sun madness, sleep-deprivation, and consumption of cactus juice.

But wait, did that mean this wasn't a hallucination?

That was impossible! Although, being physically thrown by a hallucination was impossible as well... and Sokka still believed the Avatar Spirit was responsible for his situation. Super weird, impossible, freakishly irritating things always happened when that guy (those guys? Was he more than one person? Was he even really a _he?_ ) was involved.

So maybe this wasn't a hallucination...

For the first time, Sokka actually looked around and took in the surrounding area. The sky wasn't just the night sky as he had thought before; there were whole planets that looked as close as the moon, and large chunks of rocks floating on nothing connected by walkways. On the chunks of rock were very elegant structures made with lots of marble in structures involving columns. On one of them was a waterfall, but it looked like the water was sparkling and... well, it was probably an optical illusion, but it _looked_ like the water was falling up. It was all impossible, but it _had_ to be real, because nothing else made sense.

Aries watched with growing concern as Sokka's eyes roved the landscape, mouth slightly open and brow furrowed in confusion.

"I think you hit him too hard... I'm sorry," she muttered to Loke, who scoffed. He obviously thought he hadn't hit the scrawny, pony-tail-wearing, jerk hard enough. He was still conscious.

The words had brought Sokka's attention to the two Celestial Spirits. Immediately, his face went white as the arctic snow and his eyes grew wide.

Gran Gran was going to _kill_ him.

Not for being sent to another dimension, not for childishly attacking Aang, not even for ogling the scenery instead of retaliating against an attack.

He didn't notice it before, he had been too focused on getting his brain back to normal, but he had really done a number on the pink-haired-girl's confidence. He had almost made a girl cry! If Gran Gran didn't kill him, any number of his friends would! And if they didn't, the freaky guy in the otter-penguin clothes would!

Basically, Sokka admitted he was a jerk. And if he didn't make it right, he wouldn't live long enough to get Zuko that pink "king of the world" fluff-pillow.

Plus the guilt would eat him inside out, but fluff pillows that made Zuko mad were more important.

Sokka stood slowly, keeping a wary eye on the ginger who looked ready to take him out at any moment. He sidled closer to Aries, trying to stay as far away from Loke as possible (which was difficult, since they were standing directly beside each other) and never letting the lion out of his sight.

"Look," Sokka started, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. How does one apologize for nearly bringing someone to tears because they didn't believe the person existed? "I'm sorry about what I said. I thought I was hallucinating or something."

"That's no excuse for-" Loke started, making to take a threatening step forward, but he was stopped by Aries.

"N-no, don't hurt him Loke, he apologized," she muttered before turning meekly to Sokka. "I'm sorry, I should have explained better."

Sokka felt himself straighten up in indignation. He was trying to _apologize_ here! He didn't do that often! And the girl he had almost made _cry_ was _apologizing_ to _him_? No! _He_ was in the wrong, and _he_ would be the one who was more sorry!

...Perhaps Aang was right. He might just be the _tiniest_ bit competitive. But he could work on that later.

"Stop apologizing!" Sokka pretty much pouted, giving Aries an annoyed look. "That's my job! _I_ say sorry, and _you_ forgive me!" His eyes flicked over to Loke to make sure the lion wasn't going to pounce on him again before he averted his gaze to one of the very sparkly planets above. "So I'm sorry."

"I'm s-" Aries stopped short when Sokka's eyes shot back to her. "I... forgive... you?"

"There you go!" Sokka smirked, looking like he had just won something.

Loke scoffed, stepping out of his offensive stance. He couldn't attack Sokka, that would make Aries sad, but that didn't mean he had to _like_ him.

"WhooOO is this?"

Sokka turned to see who had spoken and saw... something not human.

"AAAAH!" He yelled, stumbling back. "It's a... a... Man-cow! Cow-man! A... what _are_ you?!" He screeched shrilly, definitely _not_ appreciating the clothing the whatever-it-was was wearing. Or rather, not appreciating the _lack_ of clothing. The giant ax the beast had swung casually over his shoulder didn't placate Sokka's anxiety.

And just when he had decided this was real, too.

He had, once again, been fooled by his hallucinations!

"I'm Taurus, the Bull!" He declared, striking a pose. Sokka was momentarily distracted by the sparkles that appeared almost tangibly around Taurus' muscles. Could he _touch_ one? Was that even _possible_? Could he catch one in a jar and do tests on it? What were they made of? Could the-

Wait. No, they'd almost got him again. This was _still_ just a concussion-induced hallucination, and he was not going to fall victim to its deceptive characters! Not again.

" _What is this crazy place?!"_ He yelled angrily, stomping away from the group and towards one of the bridges.

This wasn't fake. He'd already decided that. But there was _no way_ it was real either.

"The Celestial Spirit World."

Sokka stopped in his tracks.

The word celestial meant absolutely nothing to him, but spirit... oh, that explained _so much_.

"Of course it's a spirit world," Sokka muttered darkly, torn between irritation and relief. He wasn't going crazy; that was the good part. In spirit worlds, none of his normal physics ever made sense, and people being part animal and animals being 'just bears' was normal.

Oh, how he _hated_ spirit worlds.

"Don't worry," Loke said with a huge smile that immediately set Sokka on edge, appearing next to him as if by magic. Which Sokka wouldn't rule out at this point. "We'll get you back to Earthland in no time."

"Hey, wai-" Before Sokka could even get out his denial, Loke's grin turned sinister as the spirit grabbed him.

Then, suddenly, they were somewhere else. Sokka couldn't exactly see where- everything was spinning.

"Princess," Loke said jovially. Sokka couldn't see him, but if he _could_ the stupid lion would've been sporting a black eye right then! "Look what we found lurking around the spirit world making Aries cry!" Loke gave Sokka a none-too-gentle pat on the back, which sent him face first onto the ground.

"He did _what?_ " A voice, female, that sounded uncomfortably like a deranged, sleep-deprived Katara hissed. Sokka could almost feel the smugness radiating off of that evil, evil lion.

"Have fun," he hissed only loud enough for Sokka to hear before departing.

The world had just stopped spinning, but Sokka had a feeling that wouldn't last very long.

* * *

AN: Oh no! Lucy's got him... and Loke might be in trouble when Aries finds out what he did.

If you're wondering if Sokka will meet any other spirits, I do have some ideas.

Review, like, follow, pretty much whatever the heck you want!


	3. Saved by the Enemy

AN: Third chapter up! Imma try to finish this whole thing before Christmas, fastest I've ever written a multi-chap fic, so wish me luck!

* * *

Gray had been having a perfectly normal day. He had slept in (after a mission he always slept until about ten) before making himself some late breakfast, finding his clothes (he always put them away; they moved themselves), and then finally making his way toward the guild hall at his usual sedate pace.

Only when he turned onto the street that the guild was located on did something look off.

Lucy was standing outside, which was strange in and of itself; usually she would be at the guild bar drinking a strawberry smoothie and complaining about rent. That was weird, but it wasn't what made him pick up the pace.

No, _that_ was the fact that she was standing outside the guild holding her whip above some poor cowering sap, and she looked like she was ready to let loose the hounds.

"Lucy!" He called, jogging up to her. "What happened?"

Something serious must have. Lucy sometimes had a temper, but to actually _hit_ someone who wasn't directly threatening her or her guild was just plain out of character.

"What'd this guy do?"

Sokka peeked out from between his arms as his Water tribe brother distracted the crazy blond, wisely staying silent and plotting his escape.

If he could just slip away while she was distracted, he could be halfway down the street before she even noticed and with that much of a head start he could-

"He made Aries cry." That train of thought was cut off when Lucy's demonic eyes slashed through the air and _pierced his soul_.

Perhaps he should just stay put.

But then she looked away when Gray asked about whipping him being a bit harsh for that.

In Lucy's defense, she didn't actually plan on whipping him.

She was just going to use the leverage the weapon provided to throw him into the canal.

Sokka didn't know this though (if he had he would have let her. He was Water tribe for a reason), so he seized the opportunity to run.

It didn't matter he didn't know where he was. It did matter he didn't know where to go. It didn't matter that he didn't know how to get home.

Actually, it did matter. It mattered quite a lot, but Sokka was just focusing on survival for the moment. He was sure that, with his mechanical genius, he could find his way home later.

Before he even crawled ten feet (he didn't dare stand, it would draw too much attention) someone had sat on him.

"Hey Luce," Natsu, Fairy Tail's resident fire dragon slayer, called as he sat atop the strange boy, "did you want this guy?"

Luce. What a weird name; Sokka supposed he was probably in some reclusive Fire Nation village. He still hadn't looked around though, he was focusing more on breathing, so he couldn't confirm it.

Just as Lucy took her first ominous step forward, Sokka's guardian angel appeared.

In the form of Loke.

Which was oh-so-ironic.

"Loke?" Lucy asked, stopping from surprise. "Is everything okay?" He was quite nearly sulking, arms crossed and brow furrowed.

* * *

 _A few moments earlier, in the Celestial Spirit world_

Loke arrived back in his home world with a smug smirk. He would have to go back and tell the truth eventually, but if Aries didn't find out for even just a minute the time difference between the spirit world and earthland would allow Lucy to at least hurt him a little.

Loke wasn't so lucky.

"Loke," Aries said from directly behind the lion, sounding as close to angry as she ever did. Which roughly translated into slightly teary.

"Yes?" He asked, turning smoothly. A large, fake, smile was plastered on his face.

Facing Aries was possibly the worst thing he could have done for his _lying to cause Sokka pain_ plan (not that he knew Sokka's name, and he didn't really care), because as soon as he did her contrite expression crumbled every bit of resolve he had.

"I'm going..."

* * *

So Loke was sulking. He hadn't even stalled long enough to let Lucy get in a hit!

Darn Gray, being such a good Samaritan.

"He... actually apologized," Loke forced out. Sokka hoped dearly that it was as painful as it sounded.

"What?" Lucy asked, for the first time not sounding like she was ready to strangle someone. Sokka took that as a good sign, but kind of resented that he had been saved by the jerkface who put him in danger in the first place.

"Not that this isn't comfortable," Sokka drawled, words slightly muffled since his face was being pressed into the ground by Natsu's hand, "but do you think you could get off me now?"

Natsu looked to Lucy, who nodded.

"Okay!" He chirped, bouncing himself up.

Sokka, grumbling incomprehensibly, pushed himself into a sitting position and promptly lost his remaining marbles.

This place was _not_ the real world. But it wasn't the celestial world by a longshot, nor the normal spirit world from Aang's descriptions. It was some nightmarish clash between all three; it was closer to the real world than the celestial world had been. It had actual people (or so they _looked_ ) and there were no floating islands or rock or upside-down waterfalls (Sokka had looked very closely at the canal, but couldn't tell which way it was supposed to be flowing, so he assumed it was correct), but everything else was wrong. It all looked vaguely reminiscent of things from his world (other than the clothes. What was with these people?!), but slightly tweaked.

It was only when he spotted the pink hair of the guy who had sat on him (which was a huge fashion mistake by the way; he obviously had no manly pride) that he realized what must have happened.

Sokka turned to Loke with fire in his eyes.

He would have preferred boiling water (Water tribe!), but that just didn't work as an expression. So fire it was. No, wait, he was _steaming_! Ha! He would've made a joke about it had he not currently been so angry.

"This isn't the real world! You brought me to some weird in-between land, didn't you?!" He more accused than asked, earning a scathing look from Loke, a concerned one from Lucy, and a skeptical eyebrow raise from Gray.

Natsu gaped. Was it true? Were they actually a kind of spirit? Because that would be _awesome_!

"This _is_ the 'real world'," Loke sneered. He was about to go on, but Lucy swiftly sent him back to whence he came.

"I'm sorry about Loke. My name's Lucy, these two are Natsu and Gray." She gestured to each, Gray nodding stoically and Natsu grinning brightly in greeting.

Sokka regarded them in suspicion.

As of now, he was officially captured by the enemy...

"You're supposed to tell us your name," Gray stated when Sokka didn't so much as open his mouth.

"And why should I?" He shot back immediately. "For all I know, you're Fire Nation!"

Which actually wasn't a bad thing now, but it was the first accusation that had popped into his head. Plus, if they didn't even know what the Fire Nation was then he would know that Loke had Fdropped him in some stupid half-world.

Lucy and Gray were slightly worried for the obviously-off teenager's mental stability, but Natsu was ecstatic

A whole _nation_ based entirely off of _fire_?! Oh my gosh, it was like a dream come true! An all-night, no, all _year_ buffet! If only such a place really existed! With that unlimited power, he could beat Erza! He could even beat _Laxus!_

Not that he couldn't already... He just hadn't fought either of them recently. He'd gotten stronger since last time.

Sokka was still regarding the three with suspicion. Lucy opened her mouth, trying to come up with something to say to put him at ease (and feeling rather guilty for almost throwing him in the canal), but suddenly his eyes passed over them and landed on something further back. They widened in shock, then he almost glowed with happiness.

Sokka was grinning at a particular woman. The way she dressed was a dead giveaway; she couldn't be from anywhere but the Northern Water tribe.

* * *

AN: All feedback is appreciated!


	4. Mistaken Identity

AN: Wow, this was a really rough week. And for some reason this chapter was super hard to write, so really sorry for the wait...

Edit for Yaodai's sake: only a few words changed, but hopefully it makes the end bit clearer. Thanks for the input!

* * *

"My love!" Juvia swooned upon seeing Gray suddenly lacking a shirt. Of course, he was out in the open air for everyone to see, which didn't exactly please her. Plus, he was standing next to _love rival_... who was actually a very nice girl whom Juvia was quite fond of (that didn't matter though, they would be bitter enemies until Lucy stopped trying to steal Gray).

Since she was so focused on the love of her life, Juvia didn't notice Natsu, the surrounding people, or the strange boy looking at her in rapturous joy.

Sokka was blocking everyone else out as well.

If someone from the Northern Water tribe was here, then this _had_ to be the real world! This was probably some remote island somewhere that was cut off from the rest of the world so they didn't know about the nations! ...Ignoring the fact that apparently the Northern Water tribe could access it of course.

She had to be Water tribe. Her clothes were a similar style to Katara's; the blue fabric (Katara had informed him several times that it was a distinctive blue called Ocean-Sea-Breeze or some nonsense like that, but blue was blue) was sewn into a dress with a slit up the side, and was lined with that fluffy white stuff. Sure, her hair was blue too, but that could happen naturally! Once, _his_ hair had turned blue, albeit a subtler shade, and wouldn't go back to normal for a week! Katara had told him it was probably from the type of fish he was eating (which was strange; everyone else was eating it too, and none of _them_ got blue hair), but he hadn't really investigated it because the color never came back.

Point was, blue hair = natural.

Take that, Agni. (He figured it was probably the fire nation god that was trying to psyche him out. Probably the one who threw him through the portal too, if it wasn't the Avatar Spirit.)

" _Finally!_ " The water-tribe boy exclaimed when he had recovered his voice. The yell brought all attention, even Juvia's and random passers-by, solely to Sokka. He didn't care. There was finally someone here that would back him up in front of these crazies! "You're Water Tribe! Tell them I'm not crazy!"

Juvia regarded him with confusion. Was he talking to her? She did have water magic, but she'd never heard of this "Water Tribe" before.

"Juvia doesn't know what you mean," she replied a bit apologetically, stepping back a pace when Sokka's face morphed into a dark scowl.

"What do you mean 'Juvia doesn't know what I mean'?! You're wearing the... the Ocean-Sea-Breeze-Blue dress thing!" He accused, gesturing wildly to the clothes she currently had on.

After a small moment of silence, a blink of confusion, and a pause in which Lucy could almost hear Natsu's brain trying to figure out what just happened, Juvia finally smiled in what looked like understanding.

"Juvia isn't wearing Ocean-Sea-Breeze, she is wearing 'Glacier-Under-A-Stormy-Sky'," she corrected, looking at Grey out of the corner of her eyes in a significant gesture that went unnoticed by the ice mage.

Sokka actually _felt_ the wind as those words flew right over his head. There was some sort of hidden meaning, Juvia's staring at Grey proved that, but he had no clue what it was.

Katara would know, and it looked like that crazy Lucy girl knew. It was probably a girl thing; the significance of colors and all that.

"You're all crazy," Sokka stated blandly, standing up and making to leave.

The group he had been talking to was pretty sure _someone_ here was crazy, but it definitely wasn't them. Juvia and Natsu were perfectly fine with just letting him leave. Grey was slightly concerned for the obviously unstable boy, but wasn't about to stop him. Lucy, on the other hand, wasn't about to let Sokka just wander off.

He had been brought here by one of her spirits, after all, so it was obvious that even if he was crazy he didn't exactly belong here. Something was off, and since it was technically her problem (not really, but she wanted to help anyway) she was going to take care of it.

"Ah, wait!" She called, and was vaguely surprised when the pony-tailed warrior actually stopped and looked back. Then she floundered, because she hadn't thought this far ahead.

Immediately Lucy's friends knew that she didn't want Sokka to leave so abruptly. Natsu's first instinct was to grab the guy, tie him up, and drag him into the guild.

Luckily for Sokka, Grey reacted faster.

"How about you come into the guild and we figure out what's going on?" Grey offered reasonably, stuffing his hands into his pants pockets and not noticing that his shirt had somehow disappeared.

Sokka balked at the audacity of that idea. _Him?_ Willingly walk into enemy territory with no prior knowledge of the dangers or even an escape plan ready to go? As if! They'd have to _force_ him into that infernal pit they called a 'guild', whatever that was. It was probably some sort of prison for their enemies! Walking in there would be like willingly entering the Boiling Rock!

The fact that he had done the latter was unimportant.

What _was_ important was that they'd have to try a lot harder that that just to get him to consider following them into what was undoubtedly a trap, much less actually do it! In fact, he wouldn't do it for all the embarrassing pictures of Zuko it the world! He wouldn't do it for-

"You hungry? We've got food in the guild," the chill mage offered offhandedly.

Sokka's traitorous stomach grumbled loudly, causing a smirk to manifest on the ice mage's face. Usually Sokka could stand unwaveringly in front of such a weak incentive, but he couldn't _remember_ the last time he'd eaten.

Well, that was a lie. Actually, he'd had breakfast with the gaang this morning (a tradition that they had valiantly kept at least once a month despite Aang and Zuko's duties). He remembered quite vividly, because despite there being plenty of food on the table he had made a point of stealing from Zuko and Katara's plates. He didn't steal from Aang's because the bald Avatar quite honestly didn't care (there being so much food on the table and all) and he didn't steal from Toph because she (unlike the surprisingly less violent Katara and Zuko) was entirely willing to assault him for it instead of just getting irritated.

But that had been like... _hours_ ago, and Sokka was a growing boy who needed lots and lots of meat.

"I suppose I don't have anything better to do," Sokka replied, trying to appear a nonchalant as possible. "Lead the way."

"Right this way," Lucy grinned, the group turning and entering the building they were in front of. A moment before entering, Sokka took the time to admire the lettering on the sign and wonder what Zuko would do if he got a similar sign saying "Fire Nation Palace" and placed it on the front of said palace.

Probably kill him.

Katara would find it funny though. And Aang would probably protect him. And once they'd told Toph what was going on, she would too! If she wasn't too busy laughing.

She'd probably be too busy laughing.

Finally following the others inside, he couldn't wait forever for food, he almost turned right back around and left. And he would have, had the crazy pink-haired dragon slayer not dragged him over to the bar.

After all, Sokka didn't want to be anywhere near a place where the first thing he sees upon walking in is a girl downing a whole keg of alcohol, a guy decked out in a ridiculous amount of skulls, and mostly what should have been a very attractive girl behind the bar, except on her shoulders sat the head of a rather scary man with crazy metal studs sticking out of his face rather than the delicate porcelain beauty one would expect.

That food he had stolen from Zuko was probably poisoned.


	5. The Guild

AN: Yeah... That Christmas deadline? Ain't gonna happen. I could probably make it if I just sat and wrote for a good couple hours, but I, shockingly, do have some small semblance of a life outside of Fanfiction. But never fear, I'll try my darndest to get this done in a timely manner and not leave you hanging long.

* * *

*A few moments before Sokka and company enter*

The Guild was actually relatively calm today.

Grey and Natsu, usually the two who caused the most fights, hadn't come in yet. Mira was placating Cana's irritation at the world with _lots_ of alcohol while simultaneously getting Levy to turn beet red by turning her face into Gajeel's and doing her best impersonation of a love declaration.

She wouldn't have done it, but it was a slow day and Gajeel wasn't in yet so... nothing was stopping the shipping-crazed barmaid.

Plus, no one was seriously going to tell her to stop or try to make her, because there were only two ways that could go. One, she could start crying because she didn't realize it was hurting Levy's feelings and everyone would immediately forget her wrongdoings and see the person who made her cry as nothing short of the devil. Or two, she gets angry... and then _she_ 's the devil.

But both of those eventualities were averted when the doors of the guild crashed open to reveal most of Fairy Tail's most destructive team.

"Hi guys!" Mira greeted cheerfully in her normal voice, despite the fact that her head looked like that of Black-Steel Gajeel. Grey and Natsu waved their usual greetings (Natsu's more enthusiastic of course), totally unaffected by the sight. Juvia only paused a moment before shrugging off the shock and taking it in stride.

"This place is so weird," Lucy sighed, but smiled fondly. It honestly wouldn't have surprised her if she was the _only_ person in the whole place to even realize that what Mira was doing was just plain weird. Plus she was half-convinced that the takeover mage didn't notice her head still looked like Gajeel's, which was why she had gone back to bartending and smiling charmingly at people with it still like that.

Or she did realize, and that was _why_ she was smiling so charmingly...

One could never really know with the she-demon...

Lucy was broken out of her musings on Mira's self-awareness by a sudden sound behind her that sounded suspiciously like a cat being strangled.

In reality, it was Sokka's sound of disbelief as he took in the guild and tried to walk out.

But before he could, Natsu had practically flown over, grabbed him around the shoulders in a would-be friendly gesture (Sokka was sure it was a ploy; this pink-haired nutjob was obviously going to try to eat him or something...) and forcefully dragged him over to the bar. There, he cheerfully introduced Mirajane, and Lucy was struck by the inexplicable feeling that Natsu knew _exactly_ how weird Mira was being.

Sokka stared in absolute silence as the woman with a scary man's head instead of one that should have belonged to her asked what he would like to drink in a voice that matched the body she was sporting rather than the head.

The clearly insane pink-haired boy beside him didn't seem to find this strange at all. This prompted Sokka to wonder- did this Mira person always look like that, or was he hallucinating the mismatched head?

"So what's your name?" Mira asked sweetly, beady red eyes and would-be-kind smile filled with too-sharp teeth sending shivers down the warrior's spine.

"Sokka," he responded without thinking, too shocked and confused to fully register that he had just offered his name to the freakshow offering him a fruit smoothie of all things.

Lucy, seeing Sokka's plight, decided to take pity on the poor boy's soul.

"Mira," she called from behind the boys seated at the bar. When Gajeel's red eyes looked up at her (which Lucy, though having seen Mira's takeover magic plenty of times before, had to admit was highly disturbing) she waved her hand in front of her face in an attempt to call Mira's attention to the problem without shouting it to the whole guild.

She was met with an uncomprehending stare, which was actually much more natural on Gajeel's faux face than the smile had been. Not that she would ever voice that of course; Gajeel may be a Fairy Tail wizard and unwilling to hurt her physically now, but Lucy's womanly pride was a very fragile thing, and she didn't think it could take another run of "dress like a bunny and dance while Gajeel kills your eardrums".

"Your head, Mira, it's Gajeel's," Lucy finally deadpanned, seeing that the woman wasn't getting her signals.

"Oh, it is, isn't it?" Mira giggled, and a few seconds later her head was no longer the iron dragonslayer's, but rather her own beautiful visage. Lucy expected that the Water Tribe boy would appreciate the change.

Sokka almost threw himself backwards, ending up on the floor with an undignified squeal.

Lucy had been trying to help with Sokka's obvious anxiety, but the shock of someone changing their entire head without so much as a mask to behold scarred the boy more than a beautiful woman with man's head ever could.

"What's his problem?" Natsu asked, raising an eyebrow in one of his rare moments of calm. Grey shrugged, also not understanding Sokka's irrational response to something so mundane.

As many of the onlookers laughed, as most Fairy Tail wizards were prone to do when someone overreacted when they _obviously_ weren't really in danger, Sokka's eyes were locked onto the completely-changed face of Mira.

He couldn't help but let his mind flash back to a conversation he had had with Aang months before- a conversation after Aang had returned from a trip to the spirit world.

A trip in which he met Koh, the face-stealer.

Why, with all the beautiful and non-lethal things in his dimension, did Koh the face-stealer have to be the one constant? Why couldn't it be rainbows? Or cactuses? Actually, not cactuses. They were pointy, and had tricky water-looking stuff in them that tricked certain dehydrated wanderers into drinking it and having crazy hallucinations.

Immediately, Sokka schooled his face into his most neutral expression; Aang had said that was the only way to keep your face on, right? But as soon as he thought he was calm enough, he looked up. He could feel his eyes widening and sweat gathering on his brow just from looking in the crazy woman's general direction, how was he supposed to keep his face blank while looking at her!?

In that painful moment, Sokka realized that the goofy twelve-year-old peace-monger he'd been dragged along with for the past year had more control over his emotions than his obviously older and more emotional developed self.

That hurt, but it wasn't important at the moment.

If he couldn't keep his face clear, he just wouldn't look Mirajane in the eyes! That would work!

He hoped.

That, or he'd be faceless and then when he got home he and Toph could commiserate about not having eyes.

Or, well, not being able to see, since Toph technically _did_ have eyes...

And he'd be missing his mouth, so that could make communicating difficult.

...Did _ears_ count as part of the face too? Because that would make life-after-defacing rather complicated...

Before Sokka could delve too far into this dangerous train of thought, something that temporarily washed his mind of the dangers of face-stealing caught his eye.

It looked like an animal. No type of animal that Sokka had ever seen, mind, but the closest thing to a normal animal he'd seen since being sucked into the magic portal. It was a blue cat-bird with white wings.

The color _was_ a bit weird, but at least it wasn't _just_ a cat or _just_ a bird.

Finally, something vaguely normal in this crazy alternate universe.

Or, at least, it looked like it. Until the cat-bird spotted him and swooped down with a "Hi! I'm Happy!"

Sokka did not _shriek_.

Girls shrieked. Babies shrieked. Children shrieked. Not Sokka; he wasn't any of those things. Sokka was a man, and as such, he _shouted_. In a very _manly_ way.

He also didn't _freak out_. Sokka was a warrior. Warriors _react_. That was why he immediately pulled out his boomerang ( _elegantly_ and _smoothly_ , not fumbling in a panicked manner) and winged it at the obviously deadly creature.

He hadn't expected the spry pink-head to suddenly shoot fire out of his hands and totally fry boomerang mid-flight.

Sokka was gripped by two conflicting urges. One was to scream "FIREBENDER" at the top of his lungs and dive under a table. Or dive at said firebender. Either one. The other was to dive dramatically forward and catch boomerang before dramatically mourning the weapon.

Lotsa diving.

The first option was more of an ingrained response since childhood that really had no business popping up any more now that the war was over (though it had saved him once when Zuko'd gotten a titch fired up and didn't notice Sokka was close enough to burn), but Sokka had a deep emotional attachment to that boomerang. He opted for the second option.

"Boomerang!" He wailed, throwing himself forward and catching the thankfully only-slightly-scorched weapon in his outstretched arms. "You're okay!" ...Relatively.

Sokka, busy celebrating his boomerang's safe return, didn't hear the guild doors open, nor the heavy clomp of thick boots on a wood floor. He did notice a large shadow fall over him, but ignored it until a voice broke him forcefully out of his celebrations.

"So, who's ponytail?"

* * *

AN: ~Guess who!~ *Gleeful, perhaps slightly psychotic, giggling ensues*


	6. Lie Detector

AN: Imma just respond to reviews here... so...

Yaodai: My gosh, that Gajeel thing is hilarious! I can't slip it into this thing obviously, but if it ever does come out of my keyboard... know that you were my muse. And about Koh, I actually wasn't planning on linking them, but I let my brilliant sister read the chapter when I was halfway done and she saw the resemblance, then it just went downhill for Sokka.

* * *

Sokka froze at the sound of the voice. Not because he sounded angry, or because he sounded big enough to squish Momo with a foot (though that was probably why he _should_ have frozen), but because of the nickname.

Ponytail.

Why, oh _why_ did everyone think his symbol of warrior manliness was a freaking ponytail?!

"It's not a ponytail!" Sokka yelled, throwing his arms into their air in exasperation. Still holding onto boomerang, he clambered to his feet. "It is a _Warrior's Wolftail!_ Why does everyone..." Sokka's righteous rant faded off into nothing when he turned and was met with the ridiculously-muscled chest of someone at least a foot taller than himself.

Letting his eyes travel up until he saw the face, Sokka only barely stopped himself from shrieking. He didn't manage to stop the natural jumping-backwards reaction though.

It wasn't because the guy looked scary, though he undoubtedly did, but because the face on this guy was the exact same one Mira had been wearing around earlier. And, most shockingly, this guy still had his face! Even though crazy-Koh-girl had stolen it!

"But! But! But!" Sokka yelled, whipping between the smiling bartender and the confused, but amused, stud-filled giant. "She had your head!" He finally yelled, looking at the man but pointing at Mira.

Immediately, the man scowled. He had _told_ Mira many times that he didn't want her to go around harassing people with his head, weird as that sounded, and here she was still doing it!

"That's just Mira's magic," Grey chipped in for Sokka's sake. "It was basically an illusion, she didn't really have Gajeel's head."

Sokka supposed that was a good thing... unless Mira actually _was_ stealing people's heads and had just tricked her guildmates into believing she wasn't...

"Are you _sure_?" Sokka asked, scrutinizing Gajeel's neck from a safe distance, trying to discern if it was detachable. It looked like it was pretty secure, though one could never be sure.

"Yes," Grey replied, one eyebrow raised. You'd think that the weird kid had never seen magic before. Sokka gave Grey a suspicious look before returning his gaze to Gajeel, who had sat down and was now reclined with his feet on a table and his arms behind his head. The pose seemed weirdly familiar to Sokka, but his train of thought was halted when the iron dragon slayer spoke again.

"Ya never told me why Ponytail's here," Gajeel pointed out, effortlessly making the rather adorable cat on his shoulder look manly.

Again with the nickname. Before Sokka could speak up about it though, he was cut off by the fire dragonslayer.

"Fight me, metal-face!" The boy screamed as he soared through the air, fist on fire and arcing directly towards Gajeel's face.

Unfortunately for him, Gajeel wasn't in the mood to move too much, since he had just returned from a fighting-heavy mission where he actually took a few hits that would leave bruises. Since this was the case, instead of rising to the bait as he usually would, he simply turned his arm into a metal rod and knocked Natsu out of the air.

Sokka gaped.

Metalbender.

That's what Gajeel was, a metalbender! How had he turned his arm into metal though? Surely that wasn't possible...

No, those studs! This hardcore metalbender had replaced his limbs with metal that he was constantly bending... with his _face!_ Like Bumi!

He'd have to tell Toph about this guy. She needs to fight him.

At the thought of Toph, several things fell into place. The nickname "Ponytail", that reclined sitting position, metalbending...

Sokka looked at Gajeel with awe in his eyes.

Man-Toph. This guy was what Toph would be as a not-blind guy!

Which meant... Sokka's eyes found their way to the pink-haired dragonslayer on the floor. Aang. Aang as a firebender.

He could only hope that he wouldn't run into this crazy place's version of Zuko... Jeez, he had enough friends with daddy-issues already.

-In the Avatarverse, Zuko's brows furrowed, finding it hard to focus on his meditation-

-Somewhere else in Fiore, Laxus sneezed-

"You're a metalbender!" Sokka yelled, pointing accusingly at the tall studded man.

"...No, I'm a dragonslayer," Gajeel replied, not exactly surprised that Sokka didn't know about dragonslayers but thinking he was an idiot for it anyway.

"You slay dragons?!" Sokka asked, looking scandalized as he recalled the story of the Sun Warriors and the last two remaining dragons.

"Of course not!" Natsu replied, looking offended as he stood up. "We're called dragonslayers because we were _raised_ by dragons and use magic that they taught us!"

"Yeah, that makes so much sense," Sokka deadpanned.

"Anyway, what's with all those weird words you keep throwing out? You know, metalbender, Water Tribe, Fire Nation, all those," Grey asked, Sokka's lack of common knowledge reminding him that something was off.

"And how did you get into the Celestial Spirit World in the first place? People shouldn't be able to even breathe in there without invitation," Lucy added, prompted by Grey's own questions.

"Here's how it is," Sokka stood in front of the job board, which had been inexplicably covered with maps of places that didn't exist. "There are four nations: Fire, Water, Earth, and Air. They each have benders and normal people, I'm normal, my sister's a waterbender, et cetera. And actually, the Fire Lord, the guy who leads the fire nation, went crazy a hundred years ago and totally wiped out the Air nomads, but he missed the one they were looking for. My friend, Aang, who's the Avatar..."

Everyone in Fairy Tail watched in either fascination or disbelief as Sokka regaled them with what seemed to be the entire history of some crazy made-up place where magic was restricted to the elements, ending with the ridiculous tale of how he had ended up in the Celestial Spirit World by falling through a magic portal.

He was either lying, or just plain crazy.

"Do you think he's lying, or just crazy?" Levy asked Lucy under her breath. Gajeel, having heard the question with his enhanced hearing, decided to answer.

"Either he's a really great liar, or he actually believes what he's saying," Gajeel stated. After all, having been in a barely-legal guild for nearly all of his guild career he'd gotten really good at determining when people were lying to him. It helped that if he focused he could hear heartbeats.

Sokka showed absolutely no signs of lying.

This statement only re-enforced Sokka's belief that Gajeel was Man-Toph.

"I know one way we can tell," a woman's voice said from atop a table. Everyone turned to see the brunette who had been chugging alcohol earlier, sitting cross-legged with a trollish grin adorning her face.

In her hands, she played with a deck of cards.


	7. Card Games

AN: Am I the only one who finds it easier to write when I'm supposed too be doing something else?

* * *

Sokka was unimpressed.

Unimpressed and irritated.

He was sitting at a table directly across from the woman who had introduced herself as "Cana, the only person between you and a brawl". Said woman was playing with those stupid cards of hers, the ones she and everyone else seemed to think could somehow tell the future, which was pretty annoying in itself.

But that wasn't what was really irritating Sokka. That would be everyone else in the guild, apparently wanting to see the useless magic trick (because that was _all it would be_ because it _couldn't_ be real magic because _science)_ , crowding unnecessarily close around the table and Sokka by association.

Then Aang's stupid Fire Nation counterpart, curse his soul, had all but _draped_ himself over Sokka's shoulders.

Sokka did not like being _draped upon_. It wasn't manly, it was frankly embarrassing, and it was unbelievably uncomfortable because he didn't even _know_ the guy! Draping was reserved for family members, girlfriends, and the occasional opportunity to make Zuko angry...er than usual.

Natsu was none of those.

"Get! Off! Me!" Sokka screeched angrily, flinging the arm from around his shoulders and the head peeking over his shoulder with slightly unnecessary force. Natsu ended up on the ground, and Sokka took that time to glare at him for a moment before turning back to the much-too-amused Cana. He glared at her too, ignoring Grey and a few others laughing at Natsu's expense.

As a bonus, the members didn't crowd him nearly as much after that little display. Except Gajeel, who seemed to be pointedly standing close enough that it Sokka just shifted a little to the right they would touch.

Of course, stupid Man-Toph. Just as contradictory as the real Toph.

"Well," Sokka asked, voice nearly tangibly dripping with sarcasm, "you going to 'read my future' or what?"

Cana smirked at the obvious scathing in his tone. She loved it when they didn't believe; it made everything so much more fun. Especially when she showed them her magic and their whole sorry little existence came crashing down on their heads.

Not that that happened a lot, living in a thoroughly magical world, but that fact just made those rare occasions all the sweeter.

With that thought in mind, Cana closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Slowly, ever so slowly, she picked up a card and placed it carefully face-down on the table. She repeated the process three more times, having a hard time restraining her laughter. She could have been done by now, but going this slowly, with her eyes closed no less, added to the mystery and anticipation.

It also helped that she could nearly _feel_ Sokka's annoyance at her lack of speed.

When she was done laying out the four cards, she finally opened her eyes and, with an irritating smirk, looked Sokka in the eye.

The poor kid was gonna blow his top if she didn't hurry it up.

Flipping the first card over and raising an eyebrow at the symbol that she hadn't seen before Sokka's presentation a few minutes ago, the circle with what seemed to be waves in it, she stated "water."

For the first time since this certain shenanigan had started, Sokka actually looked something other than annoyed and disbelieving. Granted, it wasn't the surprize or amazement she had expected. Instead, he looked like he had figured out what was going on and rolled his eyes in exasperation.

Sokka knew _exactly_ what this crap was. She had obviously just taken information from his presentation earlier, put them on the backs of her cards, and was now pretending like she knew the whole time.

At least Aunt Wu had predicted things the person she was talking to hadn't _just_ told her. Cana was obviously not very good at this whole scamming thing.

Of course, neither Cana or Aunt Wu charged for their 'mindreading', which was a bad way to scam in the first place. Obviously amateurs. Toph could teach them a thing or two about it.

"War," Cana said, flipping over the second card, surprise shown clearly in her voice. After all, she hadn't thought Sokka was telling the truth, whether he believed he was or not, and here she was confirming he was with her own magic.

Sokka rolled his eyes, waving his hand as if saying "yeah, we already _know_ that, get on with it!"

"Heros," Cana raised an eyebrow as she said the word, noting how Sokka suddenly didn't mind her taking her time, and decided she should hurry up. "Unity," was the last card, depicting all four nation's symbols all beside each other.

"What does that mean?" Natsu asked, completely lost. What were they supposed to understand from the words water, war, heros, and unity?

Wait! He knew this one- Atlantis. There was a war in atlantis, and some heros stopped the fighting by wrecking things, and everyone helped rebuild it!

So what did that have to do with Sokka and his psychosis?

"It means that our little warrior was telling the truth."

"See? The cards said so," Sokka agreed smugly. He didn't believe they were really magic, all that talk was just silly, but if they backed up his story he was willing use them as evidence anyway.

"That's great an' all, but doesn't change the fact that he's still stuck here with us," Gajeel pointed out, grinning when Sokka deflated a bit at the fact. That was the part about living that Gajeel liked most. Pointing out people's shortcomings and watching them shrivel. It was comedy gold.

From her seat beside Cana on the bench, Lucy smiled. Finally, an opportunity to make up for her behavior when Sokka had just arrived. He seemed to have forgiven her for, or even completely forgotten about, the farce.

"Well, if it had something to do with the Celestial world, I know someone we can ask."


	8. Magic Containers

AN: Sorry guys, my life got _hectic_ this week.

* * *

When Lucy had pulled out a key and started waving it around like it would magically...summon a monster, was what he understood the objective as, Sokka had nearly cracked a rib laughing.

Because it was ridiculous. A key, even a fancy and shiny key like the one the blond was waving around, was too small to contain anything big enough to be threatening.

But then the thing had appeared. Sokka's initial reaction was to throw himself behind Man-Toph. Said man gave him an amused look, which he returned with an embarrassed blush and fake bravado as he stepped back out into the open.

Unfortunately this interaction had distracted him from listening to Lucy's brief explanation of what on earth was going on. So when he looked back around the thing was already sleeping (complete with snot bubble) and the whole rest of the guild was just chattering like nothing was out of the ordinary!

He knew it was supposedly a spirit, that was all. Though it did make him wonder if _Aang_ could do that. Of course, they'd have to shove the stupid spirits into the keys first, and he didn't think they'd like that much. They were a bunch of pretentious jerks anyway; he didn't think they'd appreciate being shoved anywhere.

Though if you could summon _people_... Sokka had difficulty holding his sniggers when he imagined pulling Zuko to random places in the other nations from important meetings. He would get _so_ mad.

"So... What's this thing again?" Sokka asked Lucy, circling around and examining the celestial spirit she had called out while trying to seem like he was asking for clarification instead of letting her know he hadn't been listening. It was weird; it certainly didn't _look_ like something that should be alive. Sure it had a face, complete with eyes, mouth, and crazy moustache, and a body with arms and legs too. But his head was a weird silver cross.

"A celestial spirit," Lucy answered honestly. Sokka fixed her with an unimpressed stare.

"I knew _that_ , I mean is it some kind of person, or a weird animated thing, or what?" He asked, reaching out and poking the thing's head. It let out a tremendous snore.

" _He_ is just as much of a person as you or I," Lucy replied a bit testily. She didn't like having her spirits' humanity questioned.

"Okay," Sokka replied with a roll of the eyes, "then what's _he_ called?" He asked condescendingly.

A stool from the bar, thrown by one of the many people participating in the yet-unnoticed guild brawl, came hurtling from behind and gave Sokka a good, solid whack.

Sokka yelped. And then scrambled under a table.

Like a _warrior_.

He'd known! He'd known all along, and he'd still allowed himself to be lured in by the promise of food! He'd been a fool! They were trying to _kill him_!

"Grandpa Crux," Lucy replied to the question with no more than an irritated twitch at the guild fight. The only reason Sokka even heard the answer was because of the unnatural calmness in her voice.

Of course, he didn't know that she was only calm because Gray was nearby deflecting objects (last time she'd gotten hit was one of the few times Lucy had _really_ blown up in the guild, and no one wanted that again).

Sokka was about to demand to know if she was related to the weird thing when everything was suddenly interrupted by a very loud "AAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Many of the Fairy Tail mages tripped over themselves and others in surprise. Sokka tried to bolt to his feet but, being under a table, only succeeded in hurting himself.

"So what's the news, Grandpa Crux?" Lucy inquired with a sweet smile, having not even flinched at the thunderous noise.

Sokka was beginning to think she was a lot scarier than she seemed... discounting that first encounter of course. Perhaps she was a ninja or something.

The entire guild was suddenly back to being interested in what the cross had to say instead of bearing the tar out of each other, so Sokka took his chances out from under the table.

"There have been cases of people from other dimensions being pulled into the spirit world," he confirmed.

Sokka stood in shock. Not because of the alternate dimension thing. Not because of the being kidnapped by a portal thing. Because the thing with the cross-head, it - _he_ \- had just talked. So maybe Sokka shouldn't have been surprised; he'd seen the mouth, heard the snore, noted the many things that made it seem very alive. But his head was freaking metal! Science didn't work like that!

Sokka's denial didn't stop the cross from being very much alive.

"So they can go back?" Lucy asked, pulling the Water-tribe warrior from his state of shock and into suspense.

That cross-head had better say yes, or Sokka was going to go postal on this whole magical world...

"Yes. But the time they spend here doesn't seem to have a constant. A portal back to their own world appears in the Celestial Spirit world."

"YES!" Sokka whooped, having stopped listening after "yes".

"Does it only appear once? What if he missed the portal while he was here?" Gray pondered, honestly curious, as opposed to Gajeel who was about to point out the same thing.

"What?" Sokka squawked, having missed that important tidbit.

"The portal hasn't appeared yet, to my knowledge."

"I have to go back to the Spirit World!" Sokka exclaimed worriedly. Then, as his brain caught up to his mouth, dawning horror appeared on his face. "I have to go _back_?!" Just that it was a spirit world was bad enough, but he'd already pissed off one of those psychotic spirits and that was _never_ good.

"Don't worry, my spirits can get you back quickly. Thanks, Grandpa Crux!" Lucy smiled, dismissing the now _actually_ sleeping spirit. She wasn't sure about sending Sokka back with just any spirit (him being able to breathe in the spirit world may have been because of the portal, she didn't want to risk him suffocating), so she next pulled out Horologium's key.

A minute later, Sokka stood in front of a large animated clock whose door was open. He turned to Lucy with a flat stare.

"You want me to crawl _where_?"


	9. For the Sake of Sanity

AN: Call it inspiration! And four hours I should've spent on homework. But hey, this's more fun.

* * *

"I don't climb into transportation that has a mouth," Sokka refused stoutly, despite having had the whole spirit-travel and possibility of suffocation thing explained to him. He had only done such a thing one time, and that was to save Momo.

"That's not even his mouth," Gray pointed out, gesturing to the face of the animated clock which, as implied, sported the mouth.

"Far as you know," Sokka snapped back. "But even if it's not, that would make it his _stomach_."

Ha, these people were trying to trick him into the belly of the beast, literally, but he was wise to their ways. He wouldn't be digested _that_ easily.

There was a contemplative pause.

"I'll help!" The pink-haired firebender said cheerfully as he shoved the Water-tribe warrior into the space. The door snapped shut with a _click_.

Natsu was done contemplating.

After all, if Lucy said it was safe then it was safe.

"'Flying hog monkeys. Let me out of here you crazy magic people,'" Sokka was under some stress. He couldn't think of anything more insulting than firebender, which wasn't an insult anymore. "'When I get out I'll show you what a Water Tribe warrior can do,' he yells angrily," Horologium recited without inflection. "Time's up," he added before any of the guild members could respond, disappearing in a puff of smoke.

Sokka's anguished cry was entirely blocked out by the soundproof interior.

"'No,' he screams in anguish," Horologium reported when he had reappeared in the Celestial world. The completely unsympathetic clock then opened his door and allowed the puddle of sadness that had replaced Sokka to spill onto the marble floor.

Apparently Sokka _could_ breathe in the spirit world. Would it have killed the talking clock to tell the guild that _before_ he got shoved into it?

He was completely content to lay on the uncomfortable surface until a portal back to his own world opened underneath him and swallowed him up. Unfortunately, though Horologium was willing to let him wallow, there were other spirits who weren't so friendly wandering around.

"Who's this?" The utterly disgusted voice emanated from somewhere above him, and Sokka willed himself to look over. By the tone, 'this' meant 'this pathetic mortal who dares lay within my line of sight', and Sokka needed a snappy comeback.

Unfortunately, as soon as he saw her, his mind went blank. She had blue hair, was carrying around a fancy pot, and was wearing nothing but a bikini top because the entire place where her legs should have been was replaced with a fish tail. Plus she was floating. Woopie.

Sokka's mind, as done as he was with life at the moment, started wandering. What he had before him was a fish-lady. A fish and a lady. The moon spirit was a fish. And Yue was the moon spirit. So if she ever manifested herself, would she be- no, Sokka was not going there.

"That's the dude that dropped in here, babe," a man standing - _standing_ , not _floating_ \- beside the fish-lady responded. Sokka craned his neck to see the guy, whom he hadn't even noticed was there, better. He almost looked normal. In fact, he only had two features that really gave him away as inhuman. One was his hair, which was half-reddish-brown half-white. The other was his stinger. The giant spider-scorpion stinger. "Lemme help you up," he offered, reaching a hand out for Sokka to accept.

"You know you have a stinger, right?" Sokka asked, ignoring the hand.

"Yeah," the man nodded, raising an eyebrow.

"Okay," Sokka shrugged, accepting the helping hand. "As long as you know." He was so past caring at this point that it wasn't even funny.

"I'm Scorpio, this is my girlfriend: Aquarius," the stinger-guy introduced.

"I'm Sokka," the boy replied, noting how the names of the two spirits corresponded to their appearances. "I'm gonna go sulk somewhere. Bye," he said plainly.

Turning around to do as he said he would, he was suddenly confronted with a horse.

No, not a horse. A _guy_ wearing a horse _costume_.

Sokka had thought he was beyond caring, but he felt his whole being rebel against this sight.

Sokka could abide people being crossed with animals in a spirit world. He could even tolerate living objects that, by all rights, shouldn't even be able to move.

What he could _not_ let go was a completely normal-looking guy dressing up in a ridiculous outfit!

"Why are you dressed like a horse?" Sokka asked, already knowing he was going to regret starting this conversation. He sounded calm, but his left eye was twitching erratically.

"I am not dressed like a horse. I am a centaur!" The man practically yelled, saluting somewhere in the distance.

Sokka looked in the direction he was saluting to see if anyone was there. Not that he could see.

"What's a centaur?" Sokka asked, turning back to the obviously insane man. He might as well get some sort of conversation out of this.

"Half-man, half-horse," the man informed, still saluting no one.

"You're not half horse! You're wearing a costume!" Sokka exclaimed. And not just any costume; a creepy costume. That horse head on top of the man's stoic face was definitely _glaring_ at him.

Maybe that should have tipped Sokka off that shutting up would be a good idea, but he was on a roll.

But before Sokka could really get into his oncoming tirade-

"Tch."

-a blast of water slammed him into a nearby pillar.

Maybe he should be more careful who he yelled at.

Sokka, now sopping wet, sat up and glared around for the source of the attack.

Upon seeing Aquarius' innocent look (and Scorpio's gales of laughter) that was strangely reminiscent of Katara, it was obvious who the culprit was.

The culprit who was apparently a water bender. Like Katara. Hm. It seems he had found this dimension's version of his sister. Which would make Scorpio Aang? No, the guy was too cool to be Aang, and he'd already met firebender-Aang.

So Zuko was Scorpio.

Who was dating Aquarius.

Who was Katara...

 _Ew..._

Sokka looked disturbed.

But no, Scorpio couldn't be Zuko. The spirit was much too helpful, and he actually had a sense of humor.

Crisis averted.

By the time Sokka had sorted himself out and was ready to yell at the culprit, said mermaid and her boyfriend had already left to continue on with their date and the cosplaying archer had wandered off elsewhere.

Sokka was conflicted. He was happy that he was finally rid of crazies, but being ignored was never something he had responded too well to. He decided to look on the bright side for once and be glad the fish-lady wasn't there to injure him anymore.

Sokka's version of looking on the bright side involved getting up moodily, grumpily grumbling about being the constant victim of water magic, and stomping around while adding "squishy shoes" to his list of things to hate about his life.

This behavior continued for a good five minutes as Sokka trudged around to different islands, avoiding those with things on them (including what seemed to be a colony of tiny snowmen), but was brought to a halt when the water warrior stumbled across a being.

He stopped short when he saw the guy. If the crazy hair and six lobster-clam legs sprouting from his back wasn't enough, the fact that he seemed to be dancing around with his own musical accompaniment (the scissors he was wielding in either hand) was.

Only nutjobs danced around with scissors.

Sokka walked away without a word.

* * *

AN: I see maybe three chapters after this, and an epilogue if I'm feeling particularly daring, but that entirely depends on how long-winded I'm feeling. After all, Sokka was supposed to have only one more chapter in the spirit world, and he still has three to meet!


	10. Challenge

AN: My dear guest, we like picking on Sokka so much because his reactions are _hilarious_. I know he's a ninja (not really, but you know what I mean), but this whole ordeal has his science-brain on lockdown. Most of his moments of awesome are moments of science (where in a world that mostly relies on magic and "it just works like that", Sokka can actually explain how things work) and strategy (when everyone else just charges in, he plays chessmaster).

By the way, I don't know if Gemini can talk in their little bug form, but for the sake of plot I'm saying they can.

* * *

Sokka was having a stare-off.

It hadn't been officially _started_ or anything, but the blank-eyed girl had been staring at him and he stared back. Neither had blinked. It must have been five minutes, and his eyes were beginning to dry out.

He focused on the girl to stop him from rubbing his eyes.

She had hair as pink as Natsu's, and she was wearing an outfit that honestly made Sokka a bit uncomfortable complete with shackles on her wrists. And her eyes... they were blue and unblinking. They showed no emotion and _didn't blink_. They seemed to stare right through him as- _oh my gosh did this girl never blink?!_

"Sokka, what are you doing?"

"Not _now_ Katara, I'm about to win!" Sokka snapped, glancing only briefly over at his sister who was standing to his left in her classic _you are so immature, Sokka_ pose.

It was only after Sokka had returned to his staring contest that he realised something was wrong.

"Katara!" He yelped, snapping his head around to face his supposed-sister, closing his eyes and rubbing them to make sure she was really there.

When he opened them again, she certainly was.

And she was _laughing_.

"I made you blink, Sokka!" She positively cackled, nearly doubled over. Sokka gaped for a few moments before his bloodshot eyes shot between his sister and the pink-haired girl and his face turned into an expression of horror.

"You... I was about to _win!_ " Sokka screeched, falling to his knees in despair. His own sister... she had deprived him of his victory!

"No you weren't. Virgo never blinks," Katara smirked at her brother.

Sokka suddenly stopped despairing. How... how did Katara get here? Any why would she know the pink-haired girl's name?

"Imposter!" He exclaimed, shooting to his feet while pulling out his boomerang and almost teleporting behind a nearby pillar.

Katara was left in a state of shock for a moment, before it turned into a full-blown grin.

"Wow!" And suddenly it wasn't Katara, it was two little blue _things_ , one wearing black shorts and the other in orange.

"I'm Gemi!" The one in black shorts cheered, swirling through the air with the other.

"I'm Mini!" The orange-shorted one exclaimed. They came to a stop in front of Sokka, who had no idea what was going on.

"You could tell we weren't your sister right away!" Gemi informed him excitedly.

"That's cool! We're a perfect duplicate!" Mini continued.

"Wait, how do you know Katara?!" Sokka demanded, still clutching his boomerang.

"From your memories," Mini grinned.

"We can turn into anyone from your memories," Gemi agreed.

Sokka contemplated that for a moment, slipping his boomerang back into its holster.

"So... you could turn into Zuko?" He asked, smirking slyly.

"MmHm!" They both hummed and, before Sokka even had the chance to ask, before him stood the current Zuko: slightly-toned-down Firelord who still had anger issues.

He was smiling. No- _grining_. That was unsettling.

"How about this?" Zuko's voice said, Gemini-Zuko taking a deep breath. He went cross-eyed and, as he breathed out, a curl of fire came from his nose.

There was a beat of silence in which Sokka contemplated the fact that Zuko would kill him if he ever found out about Sokka laughing at this.

Then there were gales of laughter as Sokka realised he honestly didn't care.

"That was almost as good as the time Zuko realized I'm a prince!" Sokka guffawed. Technically a prince. He is son of the chief after all. But nothing short of Zuko in a pink floofy dress reluctantly singing "I'm a little teapot" could beat that. Faux-Zuko joined in on the laughter, nearly drawing Sokka up short.

He'd never heard the firebender laugh before! Yeah, a chuckle here and there, a few derisive sniggers, a huff of amusement. This was a full-on belly laugh that one would expect from Uncle Iroh.

Sokka had a new goal in life: see if Zuko could actually laugh like that. Even if it took assaulting the other teen with a feather.

"You seem to be fairing well," a calm voice spoke up, causing Sokka to stop laughing and face the newcomer. He was a man-goat, which Sokka didn't even blink at. The cool shades and the otter-penguin outfit, though, made him look more imposing than anything that was part goat had any right to be.

"I'd be better if I weren't stuck here," Sokka answered bluntly, but not untruthfully. The goat raised an eyebrow at the declaration, but made no move to counter it. He had no doubt that the boy would be better off in his own dimension, whatever it was, but he hadn't been lying when he said Sokka was doing well. The warrior had definitely adjusted to the Celestial world much better than most, even if it had taken being hit by Loki to realize it wasn't all a hallucination.

Not that that wasn't normal. Nearly everyone who got transported into the Celestial Spirit world got injured by Loki (because nearly all made Aries sad or uncomfortable in one way or another), though admittedly Sokka was hit harder than most, and all that met Aquarius were hit by a wave of water. What was impressive was that (1) Sokka had actually realized it was real at that point and (2) he had even been awake after taking either punch, much less both.

Before they could continue the conversation, something appeared behind Capricorn. It looked like a hole in the very fabric of space- just a circle of nothing but black.

Sokka could guess what that was. His face split into a grin it the sight.

"Well," Sokka started, casually walking toward the levitating circle of weirdness. "It was nice meeting you, I think you're all crazy, and I sincerely hope we never meet again!" He ended with a shout, excitedly rushing toward the portal and disappearing.

The portal disappeared in a swirl of black only seconds later, leaving the Celestial Spirits standing in dumbstruck silence.

* * *

AN: I might do a one-shot about Zuko learning Sokka's a prince. I have everything that would happen in it already, it's just a matter of typing.

Also, I'm thinking just one more chapter after this.


	11. Lessons

AN: Actually, guest, technicality _does_ "mean s***" as you so eloquently put it. Sokka's not a prince, but he _is_ the son of the chief and will therefore be the chief of the Southern Water tribe when he's older. This puts him on political par with Zuko. The only reason people don't see him as royal is because he doesn't act superior _and_ the Southern Water tribe is so small after a hundred years of war, but considering that the war is now over and normal interaction will resume between the tribes, not to mention the fact that there will undoubtedly be immigration from the more oppressive north into the south the water tribe will get steadily bigger and be more of a power than before.

Yes, I do think things out. Yes, the second half is speculation, but it is well-based speculation.

 _Plus_ , that was a three line throw-away joke. Get over it.

The rest of you, thanks so much for the support!

Now that I'm done with my rant, here's the chapter!

* * *

Zuko was in the middle of a very important meeting.

It was more of a formality than anything, nearly all of the peace talks and political engagements had already been taken care of, but that didn't change the fact that nearly all politically important people from the four nations were there.

Zuko sat at the head of the table, as customary, but had opted not to raise himself above his guests and ignite the enormous flames his father had always sat behind.

He was not his father, and would not act like it.

Plus, the flames had always been a bit too dramatic for him.

Beside him at the head sat Aang. It was politically logical- the head of the aggressor sitting next to the one person most saw as the only possible impartial mediator. He was also, obviously, the only air nomad in attendance. The other Fire nation representative was Iroh. Mai would have been there as well, but she was busy attending an _actually_ important meeting while he was stuck pretending that _this one_ was important. From the Earth nation was Toph, Bumi, and the Earth King, who had apparently been educated during his travels and was _less_ of a figurehead now. From the Southern Water tribe: Katara and Hakoda. The Northern Water tribe had sent Paku, even though he was technically now part of the Southern.

Zuko didn't appreciate the North's hands-off, separatist approach, but the Fire nation was already on thin ice.

Besides, Katara was liable to take anything negative about either tribe as an insult and retaliate accordingly. She had been on edge since her brother disappeared a week ago, and, though they had a better relationship, she was still the most terrifying woman he had ever met.

That included Azula. And Mai.

Well, maybe not Mai. She could be pretty terrifying.

The meeting progressed as could be expected. Political jargon, polite words that barely covered biting ones, and (considering the company) plenty of off-topic tangents.

Zuko thought he did very well at keeping them on topic. But then, as the arbitrary meeting was about halfway through, something uncontrollable happened.

From the darkest corner of the meeting room, though definitely not dark enough to hide a person, Sokka bolted out. He was closest to Zuko and, seeing the Firelord first, flung himself practically onto the other man's lap with a cry of "I'm _back!_ "

For one horrifying moment, after his mind had finally comprehended who had just jumped on him, Zuko entertained the idea that Sokka had been hiding in that corner. All week. _Just to ruin this meeting._

Everyone was silent. Some were silent because there was no way Sokka had been standing in that corner before, and some because the the crazy Water Tribe teenager had freaking _glomped the Firelord_.

"Sokka!" Katara's cry finally broke the stunned silence that had fallen upon the room.

 _That_ was when Sokka realized his tunnel vision had stopped him from assessing it the situation, and he promptly noticed that they were in a very important meeting.

That was also when Sokka knew he would never sleep again, because he was now on Zuko's hit list.

Sokka stood up in a stately matter (expertly ignoring Zuko's withering glare but internally promising to get _real_ gifts instead of prank ones for at least the next three occasions that called for offerings) and brushed off the invisible fire-germs that were obviously the cause of the uncontrollable heat in his face.

Sokka couldn't hug Zuko in public! People might think they actually _liked_ each other!

Preserving the last of his dignity, which at this point was practically imaginary, he politely nodded to the other representatives and sat down with his family.

Zuko was willing to let the grievous trespass go, for the sake of this meeting (though the water-boy was _so_ going to get smacked later), except _then_ , the whole meeting turned into the retelling of some crazy cactus-induced story about where Sokka had _supposedly_ been throughout the week, though he insisted the journey had only lasted a day at most.

Pakku was as amused as Zuko was about the whole ordeal.

Katara and Hakoda looked vaguely mortified that their brother and son respectively was telling this story in front of the most important people in the four nations, but Hakoda looked just the slightest bit amused as well.

The Earth King looked well and truly confused.

Toph didn't believe for a second that all that magic stuff was true, but _something_ had definitely happened because she had felt Sokka appear from that corner after he had most certainly not been there before. She also definitely approved of this "Man-Toph" character who could metalbend his own _body_.

Bumi and Iroh thought the whole ordeal was hilarious, and believed it as well. The Order of the White Lotus was a predominantly spiritual order, after all, and they could accept there being other dimensions.

Aang, having been to the spirit world before, didn't have a hard time believing that there were other dimensions out there.

"So what did you learn?" Iroh prompted when Sokka had fully recounted his tale. He was met with a blank stare.

"What do you mean 'learn'? It was just the spirits being mean."

"No," Aang jumped in with an explanation to his spiritually-inept friend, "usually when someone is sent on a journey like that it's to teach them some sort of lesson. The monks had a few stories about it happening at the air temple, but it was really rare and they all learned something different. So what did _you_ learn?"

Sokka reflected on his travels.

 _He was sucked into the portal after trying to pettily poke Aang for bragging rights._

 _Having refused to listen to Aries, he was punched by Loki._

 _After mildly insulting the cow -Taurus- he'd been dumped into the hands of Lucy._

 _He got the shock of his life in the guild hall after he had been a cynical brat about going in._

 _The attack-first-ask-questions-later response to Happy had resulted in Boomerang getting injured._

 _Scepticism about Horologium caused a tight situation._

 _After being derisive of Sagittarius', he got totally wiped out by Aquarius._

"...No, I can't think of anything."

* * *

AN: THE END!


End file.
